A Guide to Your Vows

Tips and a guide on how to write your wedding vows by Beth MacLeod

The importance of your vows

Your vows are personal and unique to each of you, spoken from the heart, one to the other. As such they are the centre of your ceremony. In a modern celebrant-led ceremony they tend to focus on love, kindness, trust and honesty. They can also include some that are fun, if you wish. However the intent of the vows is serious and not to be spoken lightly. 

Tips on writing your vows

1. Agree on an approx length for each of your vows. Keep each sentence short and focussed.   Approx 150 - 200 words overall is a good guide.  Any longer and they might get repetitive. 

2. You may choose to keep your vows secret - this means you get the joy of seeing your partner’s reaction on the day. If you decide to do this, agree on the style and format you will both follow so there is some synergy. 

3. Start the writing process early so you have time to refine them. It can help to start with six things you love about your partner, and six hopes you have for your future together, and then think of these as promises or intentions. For example, if you love their humour you may want to promise to always laugh at their jokes.  An important part of marriage is an intention to work through things together  and to acknowledge it won't always be easy but together you will support each other. 

4. Keep it personal. Let your words come from your heart and be open and honest about how you feel so your partner feels the words deeply. 

5. Practice out loud. Read your vows aloud and maybe record yourself saying them. Do they flow? You may find when you say them out loud that you then want to refine them a bit.

6. Below are some example vows. You don’t need to stick to just one format, you can combine different elements and create something that really reflects your own styles and personalities. 

Example Vows

Repeated Lines

I take you to be my best friend, 

My lifelong partner and my love.

I vow to help you love life. 

I promise I will always try my best

To have the patience, and understanding, that love demands. 

I vow to be open with you. 

I promise to encourage you,

And truly appreciate you,

And the happiness you bring me every day. 

I promise to love you through good times and bad. 

I will forever be there to laugh with you,

To lift you up when you are down, 

And to love you through 

All of our adventures in life together. 

Modern responsive

Now it is time for your vows 

Will you, Sam, keep Jenny as your favourite person - to laugh with her, go on adventures with her, support her through life's tough moments, be proud of her, grow old with her, and find new reasons to love her every day?

Sam: I will.

Will you, Jenny, keep Sam as your favourite person - to laugh with him, go on adventures with him, support him through life's tough moments, be proud of him, grow old with him, and find new reasons to love him every day?

Jenny: I will.

Will you, Jenny and Sam, be each other's partners from this day forward? Will you bring out the best in one another, share your happiest moments together, and love each other absolutely for the rest of this lifetime?

Jenny and Sam: We will.

Traditional 

I promise that I will respect you as an individual, support you through difficult times, rejoice with you through happy times, be loyal to you always and, above all, love you as my wife/husband and friend. 

I promise to love and respect you, helping our love grow, always being there to listen, comfort and support you, whatever our lives may bring.

Further reading

You can read a whole host of different styles of vows here.