Five Tips for Writing a Eulogy

Being asked to write and deliver a eulogy is one of the most meaningful things you can do for someone you love. It is also, understandably, one of the most daunting. You are grieving, you may never have spoken publicly before, and you want to do them justice. Here are five things that I hope will help.

1. Don’t write their biography, use stories instead

Resist the pull towards dates and facts. Instead, ask yourself: what will they be remembered for? What were their passions or what got them excited? How did they make people feel? What stories about them illustrate these special things? What moments, when you tell them, will make people smile at the memories? These special moments and stories are a great place to start.

2. Talk to people 

Before you write a single word, pick up the phone. Sit with family members, message old friends. Ask them for their memories and their stories, you will be surprised what surfaces. Also, read the condolences cards people have sent, there are often gems inside them. The anecdote that perfectly captures your person may be sitting with someone else entirely. Gather what you can, then choose the details that feel most true.

3. Laughter is welcome

A eulogy doesn’t have to be solemn from start to finish. If the person you’re honouring was funny, irreverent, or joyful, let that come through. Shared laughter in a room full of grief is a profound and healing thing, and often it’s these moments people remember long after the service is over. I always explain at the start of a funeral ceremony that ‘all emotions are welcome here’ to give people permission to laugh as well as cry.

4. Write it out in full (every word)

However confident you feel, write the eulogy out in full and bring it with you on the day. Emotions have a way of catching you off guard, and having the words in front of you means you can find your place again if you need to. Read it aloud as you write. This will help you feel where the pauses fall naturally and where the pace needs to shift. Then practise it, out loud. Not to memorise it, but to become familiar enough with it so that it flows on the day. Your celebrant will also need a copy of your eulogy in advance to ensure the full ceremony runs to time. 

5. Keep it focused 

Aim for around five to six minutes, perhaps a little longer if you have a lot to say. Fewer words, chosen carefully, will always land more deeply than an exhaustive account. The people in the room will carry one or two moments home with them, so be intentional about which moments those are.

Beth MacLeod Celebrant reading a eulogy

Finally, good luck! Writing a eulogy is hard precisely because it matters. However there is no need for it to be perfect, what people need is simply a heartfelt reflection that conveys the essence of your person. And on the day, if you find you cannot stand in front of everyone to speak,  your celebrant will always be ready to step in for you and read your words.